Kidz Therapy

Services

• Cognitive and Educational Psychology assessments and reports with registered psychologists 

• Therapeutic support for children and families with registered psychologists or psychotherapist. 

• Art Therapy 

• Speech language therapy 

• Occupational therapy 

• Kidz Courses and Clubs 

• Teen Courses and Clubs 

• Kidz Talks, for adults focusing on topics of interest such as anxiety, ADHD. 

• Special Advisory Service 

• Private Tuition 

Please complete the Contact Form on our website to enquire or book. 

We have lots of articles and resources available on our website: 

https://www.kidztherapy.co.nz/blog 

However, the separation of parents is often a source of anxiety for both parents and children, so we hope you find this article useful:  

Thanks so much for the comprehensive report, it was so practical and the recommendations really resonated with us as a family. It really is enlightening, and has given me a sense of confidence moving forward– Georgie, July 2019

“I had heard of Kidz Therapy from quite a few people and we are so glad we took Lily to see you.  We didn’t realise how badly her self-esteem was affected but after you explained to her she is a smart girl but learns differently she is so much happier at home and school.  Thank you Marie” – Megs, February 2019

“Thank you Kidz Therapy, I feel so confident in how you do things, the friendliness and expertise of the psychologists there – we have passed your name on numerous time.  Thank you” – Moana, September 2018

“I  just wanted to say how myself and Craig were so impressed with your team approach and we know we are working with the best, thank you for helping our family” – Di, November 2018

“Having such expertise at your fingertips is amazing, I am so happy we found Kidz Therapy, it makes me so much more confident in myself, I have been telling the other mums at school”  Shelly, mother of  ASD girl age 8 years, 2018

“Just wanted to thank Kidz therapy. I take this opportunity to comment on the excellent services you have provided.” – Te Kahu Toi Assessment Hub,  September 2018

“I think Kidz Therapy provides a wonderful and much-needed service and we greatly enjoyed meeting and working with you all.” – Monica, 2018

“I work with young people as a career development practitioner and have referred a number of clients to Marie and her team, who have provided a range of educational psychology and other services. The consistent feedback from client families who have used Kidz Therapy is without exception, excellent. Marie and the team have very high levels of professionalism in their work and do their very best they can to work with the young person and their family to provide the best possible support and service. Thank you for being there for our young people and their whanau”.– Hana Lambert, Career Development Practitioner, Rata Careers and Education

“I love the fact that your place is a one-stop shop’ and there is a high degree of professionalism and skill apparent in the centre, the news that your child is dyslexic and dyspraxic is not the one parents really want to hear; but we feel so secure in knowing that Marie can interface and work together to get the best outcomes for our son” The ongoing support and therapy has been invaluable both for the school and us as parents and Brad is much happier too”. – Parents of Brad, age 16 years

“We are so very pleased to have Kidz Therapy involvement, the expertise and the friendly yet professional way you liaise with each other is so assuring; we know we have the level of expertise we need; it is such a joy to work with your team as the work ethic and quality service is so evident”.  – Sharon mother of 8  year old Sam

“Kidz Therapy has a lot of support at its fingertips and our unit uses the whole range of support it offers. Marie Kelly is warm, friendly and specialises tailoring personalised support plans for every child / student / family she works with. Marie is both an experienced mum and educationalist who really listens to what you need. I would say her reports are fantastic – and practical. A real bonus is the effective way she communicates with students, their families and educationalists – you are guaranteed to laugh and learn at the same time!” – Julie Mulcahy SENCO

We have lots of articles and resources available on our website: 

https://www.kidztherapy.co.nz/blog 

However, the separation of parents is often a source of anxiety for both parents and children, so we hope you find this article useful:  

Telling the kids, you are separating

Separation to any degree is a stressful and emotive time. At Kidz Therapy we are fielding frequent enquiries as to how to tell children their parents are separating. Separation is not just a life-changing event for you and your partner but it is also one for your children. This is no easy task but how you let your children know is a very important factor to help reduce fallout.

Your children need to feel supported through a really difficult process.

Some tips that might be worth considering

You know your children best

You know your child(ren) and family situation best so take the extra time and give lots of thought about the best way to let them know.

Letting them know

How you let them know will depend on your children’s ages and stages but both parents keeping some basic rules in place will help.

Children do not need to know everything, they do not need to know the nitty gritty e.g., if one parent has had an affair.  Remember the KIS strategy…Keep it simple, i.e., don’t over talk and complicate a delicate situation even further. The less exposure children have to any conflict and details of their parents’ relationship breakdown, the better they do

How you tell your children is important; the language used needs to be pitched at their level, there are many great books mentioned below which may help your child alongside speaking with them.

They will likely be upset and this is more than okay– but make sure you let them know you both still love them and your separation is not their fault.   Giving your children the time and space to talk days, and even months/years later will help your children adjust better in the long run.  Do not speak ill of your ex-partner in front of them, this may cause them to feel they have to take a side.

Reassure them that you still love them equally as much 

Try to keep the discussions future focussed, how arrangements for future parenting might work. Describe how your children’s world will change from their point of view, e.g. “Mum will still pick you up from school but Dad won’t be here to put you to bed.” Or vice versa

Make yourself available; some children take longer to process information; especially something that may be unexpected.  Remind them to ask you questions again when they are ready.

If one parent is leaving the family home make sure the children know how they can contact the other parent

For the little ones

• Plan to be in familiar surroundings, like the family home and not in a public place.
• Less is more; little children have low levels of stickability or concentration.
• Help your children understand emotions by using physical descriptions. For example, they may understand “worried” better if they’re described as a tummy ache.
• If it’s hard for your children to use words to identify or describe their feelings you could, for example, ask them to do a drawing. Comment on what they do and what you like about it. Say if you feel the same too.
• Sum up what your children say to check you’ve understood them properly and show you’re really listening.
• Let your children know that whatever they’re feeling it’s OK and you are there for them

Telling teenagers

Even without dealing with their parents’ separation, teenagers have to cope with a lot. The teenage years are a tumultuous time of change, in how they deal with their parents, friends, body changes and process their feelings.  At school or university heavy academic demands and deadlines are being made.

It is important to keep in mind their reaction to your separation (or other things happening at a similar time) may not be what you expected and may be personally very challenging when you are already facing massive uncertainties and change yourself  – don’t give up.  Your teenager still needs to know you are there when they are ready to talk.

One way I was able to talk to my teenage sons about many topics was in the car, no eye contact was needed and we were usually hurtling up the motorway to a sports game so any thoughts of jumping out of the car were nullified.  Do whatever it takes but just keep it short and sweet.  Us mums can be guilty of overtalking to our teens, especially our male teens.

Both parents need to keep on the same page and keep any backstabbing private between yourselves.  Children do not need to be involved in the whys and whats, they have enough to deal with just being a teenager, let alone knowing their parents are separating.

Later

If you can (not all teenagers like ‘chats’) ask them how they are feeling and let them know you are both available on their terms when they want to chat.

What not to do

Don’t ….

…use your children as messengers between the two of you asking a child to report on the other parent is just not a good idea

…ask your child to spy of their other parent and report back, they are not in the SIS

…berate the other parent in front of your children, just don’t, it is a destructive tool.

…overspoil the children to make up for your absence, this creates friction.  Keep the fun days for when they are real; it is not the child’s birthday every time you see them, keep the fun days for when they are real.

…encourage your children to take sides, turning your parenting into a popularity contest is harmful to you and your children.

…Remember you are the adult

Excerpts from Relate.org.uk, kidspot (Dr Justin), familyrelationships.gov.au/parenting/talking-children-about-separation and from Marie at Kidz Therapy, simply common-sense tips.