TIPS when Parents Separate

Simon Yock Emotions, Fears & Phobias, Parenting Skills, Trauma & Grief

When Parents Separate

  1. Talk to each other on when and how you will communicate to your children. It is better if both parents can communicate the news together as this demonstrates that even though their parents are separating they remain ‘together’ with supporting and loving them.
  2. Tell them the truth, but the detail is not necessary. The decision is an adult decision for adult reasons and that is enough information apart from a general statement that you both agree on. Decide on age appropriate language and will you tell all the children at the same time or separately.
  3. Decide who will tell them although it is best if both parents are able to share the news unless to do so would be harmful in any way. Answer questions they have but don’t dwell on the reasons. Focus more on how things are going to be for them and what is going to happen. They may have questions about this and be honest and upfront about the details. It could be that you also tell them that this is how things will be for now. If anything changes let them know that you will be telling them before any changes before they occur and they can again ask questions.
  4. Emphasise the fact that just because you are not living together anymore they are loved by both of you and that will never change. It is nothing they have done or said that has made this happen.
  5. Let them know that you will be talking with each other about them so that they can make sure that they are happy no matter who they are staying with or visiting.
  6. Discuss house rules for each place and try and keep them as consistent as possible – this will help children learn that certain behaviours are unacceptable by both parents. This also gives them the security of a united front from their parents and reduces any anxiety.
  7. It is really IMPORTANT that you don’t criticise the other parent to your children. This is definitely not helpful for your children. It confuses them and undermines the other parent’s authority. Parenting is a hard enough job as it is so if there are any issues about differences of opinion try and work these out together away from the children. If necessary seek further professional help to reach an agreement or negotiate a compromise.
  8. Finally, your children will get through this if they are known they are loved, have clear boundaries and you keep communicating with them.

 

Website: childbehaviourservice.co.nz

Email: [email protected]

Ph: 021908461

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