When Big Emotions Show Up Before Bed

Simon Yock Parent Guides

Understanding Your Child’s Feelings

For many families, the end of the day can be the hardest part. Just when everyone is tired and hoping for a quiet wind-down, emotions can bubble up fast. Tearfulness, clinginess, anger, or sudden worry often catch parents off guard, especially when the day seemed to go well.

This shift doesn’t mean something is wrong with your child. In fact, it often means they’ve been holding it together all day and the safety of home allows those emotions to surface. When bedtime becomes emotional, it’s often their way of saying, “I need more connection before I can let go.”

5 Early Signs to Look For

  • Getting upset over small things
  • Expressing worries or fears
  • Finding it hard to settle down
  • Resisting bedtime routines
  • Asking for extra hugs, drinks or stories

A Real-Life Snapshot

Harry spends the day full of energy and joy, laughing and playing without a care. But once bathtime and dinner are over, everything shifts. Suddenly, he becomes anxious and unsettled. He clings tightly, asking over and over who will check on her when he’s alone. Tears start to flow over fears that didn’t exist before, fears that leave him inconsolable. For her parents, this becomes an exhausting battle every evening, as they try desperately to soothe his worries while feeling helpless and drained.

Helpful Strategies to Try

  • Keep bedtime routines predictable and calm
  • Focus on reassurance over reasoning
  • Offer a comfort object like a soft toy
  • Practise calming breathing together
  • Validate big feelings with: “It’s okay to feel this way — I’m here, you’re safe.”

Helpful Phrases to Use

Sometimes the words we choose can make a big difference. Here are a few calming things to say when big feelings show up at bedtime:

  • “You’ve had a big day. It’s okay to feel tired and wobbly.”
  • “I’m right here. You’re safe.”
  • “Your feelings are not too big for me.”
  • “Let’s take a slow breath together.”
  • “Even when I’m in the other room, I’m always close.”

What to Do Next

If big emotions last more than a few weeks or start affecting sleep and family routines, check in with:

  • A trusted pre-school or classroom teacher
  • A school SENCo or learning support coordinator
  • A doctor or child psychologist
  • A counsellor or therapist who works with children
  • An occupational therapist with emotional regulation experience

A Positive Thought to Take With You

You’re helping your child handle feelings — even the big ones.


Helpful Resources to Explore

  • The Sleep Foundation (sleepfoundation.org)
  • GoZen for calming strategies
  • “The Invisible String” – book about connection

 

👇🔗 Link below for services that help with emotions:

https://kidslink.co.nz/listing-cat/bullying-social-emotional/

 

2025

Close